After your child experiences trauma, you may find yourself thinking, “I should have known. I should have been there. I should have protected them.” You may replay what happened, wonder if you missed a warning sign, or think about what you could have done differently. Even when you know logically that what happened wasn’t your fault, you may still feel responsible. If you’re carrying guilt, you’re not alone.
There is an important difference between taking responsibility for something that was within your control and carrying responsibility because you desperately wish you could have changed the outcome. Your child does not need a perfect parent after trauma. They need a parent who can be present, listen, help them feel safe, and offer support when things feel overwhelming. And just as every child responds to trauma differently, parents cope in different ways, too. There is no single “right” way to process what has happened.
Therapy can offer you a safe space to slow down, make sense of these emotions, and begin responding with compassion rather than judgment toward yourself. If you’re carrying guilt right now, gently ask yourself: “Am I taking responsibility for what happened, or am I carrying responsibility because I wish I could have prevented it?” Those are not always the same thing. You also deserve support as you navigate this new chapter in your life. At Harper Therapy we have trained clinicians who can help you process the emotions and experiences you are carrying.
